Love Potion Aisle Nine
by Mike Revenaugh
Hey - u there?
What do you want?
What're you up to?
Preparing for the ritual
Cool, cool
Sorry to interrupt, but I've got some Q's
Have you gathered the items?
That's what the Q's are about
Is the list not clear?
If I'm to cast this spell for you, the ritual must be complete
I totally get that
And really, thank you so much for helping me out
You try my patience.
I haven't read cursive in a long time
And this paper is weird
It is the skin of a heretic
Oh. That would explain it
You don't know what that is, do you?
I can look it up? The wifi isn't great here
What are your questions? The ritual draws nigh
So I'm gathering the items
Where are you?
The grocery store? These are serious magicks!
They've got everything!
What do you need?
So where it says red wine, will grape juice work?
Are you serious
Not Juicy Juice, like sparkling grape
It's the same kind of bottle
Supes fancy
Is the list unclear?
I'd just rather not make a second stop
You came to me for help
You begged me for this spell. You pleaded.
You said you would do anything for her.
'Anything' doesn't include a second stop, apparently grape juice?
Ok, ok. I just thought it might be a symbolic thing
This is black magick, not a presbyterian Sunday school
You're probably going to want a whole chicken, huh?
There's a really great sale on cutlets, is all
Do you want this to work or not?
Then put the cutlets down
I'm still going to buy them
For dinners
It's a great price
Do not tarry. The ritual must be done on the night of a blue moon
Got it
That is proverbially and in reality, fairly uncommon
Have you lost your will?
No! It's's not creepy, right?
Not creepy?
Asking a Witch to cast a love spell that involves a live chicken is creepy
I mean like, consent-wise. Julie's gonna be in love with me because she wants to be, right?
If that were true would you need my help?
I thought maybe it would just like, amplify things, not brainwash her
Does she have feelings for you?
She would. If I talked to her.
Dammit, Steve
We like the same movies according to facebook
What were you expecting this to amplify?
Her love for Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind?
How did you know that's her favorite?
1) I have supernatural powers
2) I have facebook
I don't want to take advantage of her, you know?
You did ask me for a love spell, right?
Yeah, but not a roofie spell
I want her to want to want me.
There is much to be done.
I'm lonely, sure, but I'm not a monster.
Forget the chicken.
I'm gonna level with you, Steve
This isn't going to go well
I said I can get the wine
Doesn't matter
This was one of your classic "careful what you wish for" deals
Basically, we do the ritual and it works but too well
Or it backfires and she falls for someone else
Or it doesn't work and you just think it does
And you end up either in jail or insane or both while I cackle with glee
That's not nice
I'm not big on nice
The hat should have been a clue
Why are you telling me this?
You're not terrible, just misguided
Forget the whole thing, Steve
Go home and rest and maybe try talking to Julie
You might be surprised
Now trouble me no more, mortal
Just one more thing...
What are you up to tonight?
And don't say the ritual because I know that was canceled
I have no plans...
You want to have dinner?
Chicken cutlets?
For sure
And I hear there's a blue moon tonight.
So be it.
Great! See u soon :)
Don't forget the wine.